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September 11th & The Anniversary Dilemma
by Bob Burtch
For the last fifteen or so years of my career, I was deeply involved in the program of Critical Incident Stress Management (CISM). CISM is a program designed to aid emergency service providers (such as firefighters, police officers, paramedics, ambulance techs, emergency room trauma docs and nurses, dispatchers, etc.) to cope with the potential emotional effects resulting from continued exposure to emotionally stressful incidents (like the death of a coworker, death or serious injury to a young child, etc.).
Such an incident occurred on September 11, 2001, and soon we will be observing the anniversary of that event which took so many lives. On that day in 2001, many of us were shocked and dismayed, not only by the image of the crashing airplanes and the collapsing buildings, but especially by number of brother firefighters that were lost in the attack. Many of us had varied reactions, from anger to sadness, from difficulty sleeping to loss of appetite, from being unable to concentrate to not being able to turn away from the TV. Many of us thought, "Had the attacks been here, it could have been me in the buildings." Many of us may have had reactions that we had never experienced before, and they were frightening. The important thing is that we acknowledge the reaction and understand and believe that the reaction is normal - the event that caused the reaction is not!
As the sixth anniversary of 9/11 approaches, we will be remembering once again that tragic event. Anniversaries of tragedies can be difficult times for many people. If it's not September 11th, it might be January 5th, 1995, when we lost Lt. Walt Kilgore, Lt. Greg Shoemaker, Randy Terlicker, and James Brown. Or maybe it's September 9, 1989 and the Blackstock Lumber fire where we lost Lt. Matt Johnson, or to July 12, 1987 and the loss of Bob Earhart. It's OK to remember; it's OK to experience some emotional reaction to these traumatic events. Anyone who has spent any length of time as an emergency provider has had his or her share of traumatic experiences. As retired firefighters, and as a "Band of Brothers", we share in the grief of others. Anniversaries may be cause for us to remember the event, but for many of us it might also be cause to think back to those times when, during the course of protecting life and property, we looked death in the eye, and with the grace of God we survived.
Over the years we have experienced things which others can only imagine. It is said that an emergency worker will experience more death and trauma in the first three years of his or her career than most people will experience in a lifetime. And then there are the anniversaries of those incidents, the date next year, the year following, and the year after that, when we remember, and we acknowledge the terrible events of the past. And over the course of a career, in order to maintain some sense of "self" we often create a barrier between us and reality, a defense mechanism designed to protect us from feeling and dealing with our emotions. In front of our fellow firefighters we couldn't appear weak, we had to be macho, or at least put on the image of being macho. And when the pain from our emotional upheaval became too much to handle, some of us reacted by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, some us took it out on the dog, the kids, our spouses (ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high among emergency workers?). Some of us, tragically, took it out on ourselves through suicide, and some of us just kept our feelings inside, pretending as if everything was OK. We were "Macho".
And now, after all we've seen and experienced throughout our careers, we are suddenly retired. When we retire do we suddenly discard all the baggage we've accumulated over the past umpteen years? Do we forget any of the brother or sister firefighters who died or suffered career-ending injuries during our career? Do we forget all the vehicle accidents, all the drownings, all the shootings and stabbings, all the SIDS, all the stupidity and evil that mankind can impose on our fellow humans? We would like to! But try as we might to ignore or forget, the memory is always there, and there will always be something, some event; a newscast, a newspaper article, a friend or relative, an anniversary, that triggers a remembrance of an event in your history, and we often have an emotional reaction. Suddenly we may not have the support group we had while still working. But now that we're retired where do we turn? At work we had the 'Beanery discussions" where fellow firefighters could sit down and discuss the incident, but now we stop in to visit our old station and often there is nobody there we know, or who remembers us. Most of us didn't want to talk to our families back then, choosing to spare them the grief, and we don't feel like dumping on them now.
So what do we do? For some, the anniversary date is a powerful reminder of loss. Family members and close friends experience the sadness, emptiness, and pain of a life which now only offers them a gaping hole in the fabric of life where there once was a vibrant and cherished person. For others, who may have tried to deny the tragedy's occurrence, the anniversary may break through their defenses and produce unexpected grief and feelings of despair. Some might wonder what they should do to properly honor the memory of the dead while simultaneously alleviating the suffering of the living, especially as we approach the September 11th anniversary of the brutal attacks on America.
The first rule of managing the anniversary of a traumatic event is that there are few hard and fast rules. Recognize and acknowledge the anniversary in a way best suited for you. Whether you visit the site of the tragedy, or a grave or a memorial site, go to a place of worship, visit those who have sustained injuries, attend a ceremony or program honoring the event, or manage the anniversary in a very private manner, no particular method is better than other methods. Do anything that works for you and brings you enjoyment. It's important that we acknowledge our own needs while recognizing that we, as well as our friends, might act differently as the anniversary approaches.
Watch out for each other and if someone you know does not seem himself or herself, offer a listening ear, a kind heart and a shoulder to cry on. Reassure them that they are experiencing normal reactions to an abnormal event. It's not unusual for people to experience behavioral changes for several weeks before and after an anniversary. Withdrawal, angry outbursts, trouble sleeping or eating, emotional tirades, crying spells, overwhelming sadness, lack of attention to detail, loss of interest and poor treatment of friends and family members is fairly common around anniversary times. Grief does not get processed according to a pre-set schedule, and some people have found that the second or third anniversary is much more difficult for them than the first.
Don't be talked into doing things that go against your internal feelings. If you don't want to do it, don't. It's important for you to do things that bring you enjoyment. Some people just need to be in a quiet place away from others, to reflect on their own personal feelings. Others may choose to be around friends and family while others may prefer to be with co-workers. Some may want to attend every ceremony or program that is available in their area while others simply want to go away. Be aware that there is no one way to deal with the pain of an anniversary. Choose your best personal plan.
What is important is to recognize that as September 11, 2007, approaches and the newspapers, radio and TV are hyping that tragic day in history, you and others may experience some emotional reaction in response to the event. Acknowledge the reason for your anger or your sadness, your tears or your short temper, that you are reacting to the anniversary, and remember that it is normal to experience emotions in response to emotionally traumatic events. The emotional reaction is normal- the event wasn't!
 Many thanks to the following source for information contained in this article:
"The Anniversary Dilemma" by Dr. Jeffrey Mitchell, Ph.D., CTS
President, International Critical Incident Stress Foundation |
